Dr Hooters - Pt. LII 
by the Road Dog
BOYS' LIFE 


Jeremy  woke up with a start.  He had been dreaming, about Ginny.
Odd how these girls get under your skin so  quickly.   He  opened
his  eyes and stared at the sheet that covered him.  It had risen
up off the bed like a circus tent, and it looked like  there  was
on  big  pole  in the middle holding it up.  In the center, where
the pole was holding the sheet up, there was a big wet blotch.

Pulling the sheet aside, Jeremy started to  scream  when  he  saw
what was holding his sheet up.  "Dad!  Dad!", she screamed, until
he realized that his father was a thousand miles away on a meteo-
rological  ship,  accessible  only  by short-wave radio.  "Steve!
Steve!  My God, Steve, come here!", he hollered.

Steve opened the door to his friend's room, and when he  saw  the
object  of Jeremy's concern, he broke out laughing.  "You drag me
out of bed at seven o' clock on Sunday morning because you got  a
stiffer?   Phew!,  and  from  the smell of things, you've already
taken care of it!"

Jeremy turned red.  "No, Steve, look at the size of it!"   Jeremy
swiveled  in  the  bed  and  pointed  the offending member at his
friend.  "Its fucking huge!!!"

Jeremy's dick, which of course, what it was that had him so  agi-
tated, was impressive.  It was at least as long as Jeremy's fore-
arm, and about as thick around as a fire hose.  Erect,  the  head
flared  out  about the size of a small apple.  He grabbed it with
both hands and moaned.  "Who's gonna want to  fuck  a  dick  this
big?",  he whimpered.  "Cassy Cavern?  Damn!  I was just starting
to get somewhere with Ginny, too!"

"You think you got problems, buddy boy?", Steve  replied.   "Look
at  this!"   Steve unzipped his pants, inserted his hand into his
crotch, and began pulling his  own  dick  out.   He  pulled,  and
pulled, and pulled.  "Fourteen and a half inches soft, Jeremy.  I
broke down and measured it last night.   Thank  God,  it  doesn't
grow much when it gets hard, but still..."

Steve  collapsed  in  a chair next to his friend's bed.  Jeremy's
erection was, thankfully, beginning to subside, but every so  of-
ten,  it gave a little twitch that caused it to heave through the
air, waving like a conductor's baton.  "Karen and me are  getting
married in December.  She hasn't seen Big Johnson yet."  His face
fell slightly.  "I hope he doesn't scare her to death."

"When did it happen to you, Steve?", Jeremy asked.

"Yesterday, at the laundromat", Steve answered.  "I  was  folding
my  shirts when I felt something creeping down my leg.  I thought
maybe it was a spider, but no, it was my fucking  dick!   Growing
out of my shorts like a goddam tendril in one of those cheap hor-
ror movies.  The Mexican lady next to me  started  screaming  and
ran off, probably to get the cops.  I didn't stick around."

"And you didn't tell Karen?"

"Ah  shit!",  groaned  Steve.   "I been trying not to think about
Karen."  He tried to stuff his stiffening dick  back  inside  his
trousers.   He  just managed to get the zipper up, and Jeremy saw
it made quite a bulge.  "This bastard gets hard in  a  heartbeat,
and  he don't go down too quickly.  I've been thinking about Mil-
dred Austin, my third-grade teacher."

Now that his erection had subsided enough to pull his  underpants
on,  Jeremy did so.  He noticed that it looked like he had wadded
up a shirt and stuffed it inside.  He pulled up on the waistband.
"You  know,  Steve",  he  said with a faint smile.  "There's lots
worse things that can happen to a guy."

"Think about it, Jer", Steve continued.  "It'll be good  for  the
band.  Visual appeal never hurt any musician's career."

"What're we gonna do then?  Change our name to The Horsedicks?

"The groupies'll dig it."

"Don't  want none a them sick bitches!", replied Jeremy vehement-
ly.  "I want Ginny."

"Well, well, well, well, well", commented Steve  in  a  sing-song
voice.   "Who was lecturing me a few short months ago on the joys
of unattachement.  Who wanted to join a band to meet chicks?"

"I did join a band", Jeremy protested, "and I did meet  a  chick.
I  met  Ginny.   But  now  I got a dick like a baseball bat.  I'm
gonna end up in one a those flickery movies like they  show  down
at the Capri, where the old putzes go in their raincoats."

"A  career in porno **is** an option now, if the band doesn't pan
out", Steve said, half-jokingly.  "They tell me the working  con-
ditions  aren't  so bad, but they don't offer any dental or medi-
cal."

"Bastard!", hissed Jeremy, crawling out of bed.  "Is there any of
that  milk  left?   You know, the sweet stuff I borrowed from Gin
about a week ago?"

"Used up the last of it a couple of  days  ago",  Steve  replied.
"You  eat too much Taco Bell.  Don't keep up with the food situa-
tion around here, do you?"

"No", Jeremy said.  "Think about it.  Think hard  for  a  minute,
Steve,  if you have any blood left over for your brain.  Have you
noticed anything different about the girls next door?"

Steve rubbed his chin.  Analytical thought was still a novelty to
him.   "They  all  got  big tits now, even Karen.  She used to be
flatter'n an ironing board, but now, hey baby!", he crowed.   "Oh
shit!",  he  added,  "I  forgot about Johnson down there.  Sorry,
boy!"

Jeremy kept talking as they went downstairs to the  dining  room,
where  the  could  see  the  girls'  cottage  through the window.
"Right!", he exclaimed triumphantly.  "All of 'em, Karen,  Ginny,
the  black  chick Jack's been seein', the Korean girl Tom's boff-
ing, the little bitty brown-haired bitch Brian's been dipping in-
to.  Even the little girl, what's her name..."

"Ashley", Steve added.  "Candy's daughter."

"Right.  All of 'em.  The only one who hasn't grown is Amanda."

"Shit.   If  **she** grew, they'd have to use a fork lift to cart
her around."

Jeremy started the coffee pot.  "Listen", he continued.   "Summer
starts,  and  your doll-baby girlfriend moves into a house with a
bunch a other cunts.  Lots a fun, stay up all night,  talk  about
guys, drink beer, hang out on the beach, right?"

"Then,  one  night,  some girl with tits the size a the Astrodome
washes up on the beach and moves in with them.   Within  a  week,
WITHIN  A  WEEK,  mind  you,  all  these flat-chested sluts start
blooming like they just  discovered  some  kind  a  secret  titty
juice!"

"Not only that, but you and me start filling out like we're gonna
be modelling for some kind a advertisement in a muscle mag.  Even
me,  the  original  ninety-seven pound weakling who gets the sand
kicked in his face."  Jeremy flexed his impressive bicep for  em-
phasis.

"Now  listen", Jeremy went on.  "The only thing we have in common
is that we live next door.  If it was some kind of  environmental
thing,  like  the  water,  I'd imagine the effects would be a lot
more widespread."

"Like those faggots who live on the other side of us?", asked the
politically-correct  Steve  about  the gay couple who rented next
door.  "Alphonse and what's-his-name?"

"Exactly.  Now here's the clencher.  Last time I saw  Ginny,  she
told  me that the reason she and the other girls had been growing
is that Amanda had been milking up every night.  Ginny  had  been
milking  her,  -you know she's a farm girl from Iowa, and putting
the milk in the refrigerator.  All  the  girls  over  there  been
drinking the milk, and hey!  Instant boom-boom!"

"And you borrowed a gallon of milk from Ginny last week.  You and
me, we've been drinking it, too!"

"You got it!"

"So? ", asked Steve, puzzled.

"So this.  How much money do you think people would pay  to  have
bodies  like  ours?   How much money do you think women would lay
out to have larger breasts, without surgery?"

Steve stroked his chin again.  His head was starting to hurt with
so much thinking.  "A lot?", he asked tentatively.

"More  than we'd ever make with the band, bucko!", replied Jeremy
excitedly.

"I don't know, Jeremy", said Steve.   "Amanda  doesn't  look  the
kind  of  girl who'd agree to becoming a milk-cow for any of your
get-rich-quick schemes.  I'd be afraid to ask her for the time of
day, myself."

Jeremy  winced,  remembering the pain she effortlessly imposed on
him the first time she saw him.  "Yeah, we'd have to get her  co-
operation, for certain."

"Steve  stood  by the window and drank his coffee.  "Amanda seems
to be pretty much running things over there now", he said.

"I would too if I had tits the  size  of  Rhode  Island",  Jeremy
replied.

"Hey,  Karen's  car isn't there.  Neither is any of the others'",
Steve remarked.

Jeremy flew to the window to see for himself.  "I don't see  Gin-
ny's Oldsmobile either", he said.

"Where do you suppose they've all gone off to?", asked Steve.

"Early Mass?"

"Gimme  a  break, Jeremy!", Steve laughed.  "Karen goes on Easter
and Christmas, and she's a Methodist anyway.   Tarah's  the  only
halfway  regular one, and she's Episcopalian, she told me.  Shit!
Chrissy's Jewish, and I can't even imagine Courtney in a church!"

"Just a thought.  It wouldn't hurt your pagan ass to go once in a
while!"

"OK, Padre", Steve intoned.  "Still, I think they're up to  some-
thing.   It  doesn't look to me like anyone's at home over there.
Strange.  Hey!  What's this?"  He picked a piece of paper up  off
the floor.  "Its from your dad."

Jeremy  snatched  the  paper  from his friend's hand.  "Damn!  He
wrote this before he left.  I wonder how long  its  been  sitting
there on the floor."

-Jeremy- it read.

-I'll  be out on the ship for at least a month, depending on con-
ditions.  Your brother Eric will be coming up from Miami  on  the
first  of  August  to  spend  the month while your mother goes to
school.  Make a bunk up for him.  He says he might bring a friend
with him.

-Behave  yourself.  Keep the house clean.  Don't let the cat shit
on the rug.

-Love; -Your Dad.

"Shit!", groaned Jeremy.  "My little fifteen year old brother  up
for  a  month!   He'll be complaining the whole time about what a
burg this place is compared to the Magic City.  And  as  if  that
wasn't  enough,  he's  dragging  some pimply-faced friend up with
him, and they'll both be expecting me to get  them  laid.   Shit,
fuck, damn!"

"August  the first.  That's Tuesday.  We got a couple days to get
ready."

"Thank God.  Still, he better be ready to fend for himself around
here!"

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